I’ve always struggled in trying to find myself and it’s something that I’m still trying to figure out to this day. For a long time I let my insecurities define who I am as a person and I let them control me, leading me to make some rather questionable decisions in life…
As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, people tend to judge me based on my social media and they believe they can tear me down because of this false perception they have of me… but I’m not made out of steel, I am sensitive and the things people say genuinely hurt. I don’t have a lot of self-confidence and I’ve had a long-lasting battle with my self-worth so when people tear me down, I listen and I believe every single word.
I always let how other people perceive me shape how I see myself; and for that reason I would look at myself in a negative light and I would put myself down constantly (both physically and emotionally). Every time someone shamed me I would take it to be true as why else would they be saying it? And people claim they know me, but in reality how can they know me when I’m still trying to figure out who I am myself?
Don’t get me wrong, I have made many mistakes and there are things that I look back on and think I wish I had done them differently…
I think it’s fair to say that I do have a tendency to let my emotions take control of me, leaving it hard to do the right thing at times and I definitely have a lot to learn and I’m learning it the hard way.
The end of 2018 is the epitome of this as a lot of the decisions I made made me question myself a lot… and I definitely punished myself every day for those mistakes.
But I’m learning to realise that we’re all just human, we all make mistakes; and that doesn’t make us bad people. Although I look back on these things and think I could of handled them differently; I don’t regret anything as everything I have been through up to now I’ve been able to learn from and they have helped me grow as a person. I’m trying so hard to be the best version of myself, but sometimes I do mess up, and I am learning to come to terms with that.
コメント